So I'm starting to realize that things can change so drastically in just a short amount of time. Not only can you become a different individual, but your entire life can alter in just the blink of an eye.
These past few weeks have been some hard ones. Although I've been through some dark and depressing times, and what's going on now doesn't even compare to what else I've gone through, its still hard to realize that everything you THOUGHT was important, really means nothing at all.
How can your best friend just walk away from you like you never meant anything? How can someone so important in your life just leave you alone in a time where you need them most? Someone you thought meant the world to you and that was keeping you strong really wasn't. They were more like a faze, just a part of your life that you can look back and smile on, but that really won't mean anything in your future. To me, friendship is everything. I need those people who except me as I am. I need those people who see my mistakes as a chance for me to learn. And at the end of it all, the one who still stands by my side and says, "wow you screwed up, but I still love you." Is that a HARD thing to do? Is that too COMPLICATED for some people? It shouldn't be. And if it is, then I don't need you in my life.
With maturity comes realization. Realization of what's reality, and what is fantasy. What's true, and what's a dream. And with becoming mature, you come to see that you have to let some people go, and fight for some people to stay. It takes one person, one truly, amazing, wonderful best friend, to make you see who was never there in the first place. Who took advantage, and who truly cares? Who will be there during not only your best times, but your worst times? Who will ride the roller coaster of life with you, through the twists and turns, ups and downs, drops and peaks? And that's what comes with maturity. Realizing that not everyone can be your best friend, not everyone is there for you, not everyone sees you for who you truly are. And with maturity, you learn how to move on without those people, even if it hurts. Even if its the most heart wrenching feeling in the world.
But this can also be a good feeling. To look ahead to your future, and see someone smiling back on you. Someone you know you can count on forever and always till the end.
And then...there's you. The times that make you stronger can always completely change you. And for me, that's been one hell of a ride. Is it weird to look in the mirror and realize that the person you were yesterday isn't the same you of today? Is it hard, to write down your feelings, re-read them, and realize everything you thought you knew was a lie? It is. Its a terrifying experience. But I have faith. Faith that God is changing me for the better, that I'm becoming someone my parents, grandparents, and best friends can count on and be proud of. I may make some stupid decisions, but you have to see what's deep inside to know who I truly am, and who I never will be. The world is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing place. There's more good in it than bad. You may have to look hard to find it, but its always there.
I may not be the prettiest, smartest, nicest, most holy being, but I'm proud of who I'm growing up to be. And if I'm going to be judged for who that is, then so be it. I rather be loved for who I am then someone I'm pretending to be. <3
